How to Lose a Guy in 10 Sentences

Today at lunch my good friend Grace and I were talking about how we don't miss dating. We don't miss the game playing. We don't miss pretending to be "little miss perfect" until they slowly fall in love with us, and we slowly show our true colors.
Don't mistake me- men do it too. If my husband had spent the 3 hours of our first date farting nonstop, laughing at ridiculous immature thing, and being an all around weirdo- we probably wouldn't have made it much past the first date.
So as we joked around about "the game" and how we would do it all differently to weed out the morons ahead of time, we decided that it would be like the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Day" only we would title it "How to lose a guy in 10 Sentences." Here goes.
"Hi, I'm Heather. If you want to know the REAL me, listen up."
"I talk a lot. Seriously, you'll probably never get a word in."
"I hate shaving, so I really only do it about once a week."
"I'm not really a sex kinda person...You probably wont get any but every 2 weeks or so."
"I hate blow jobs, etc...so you'll get those even less often."
"I'm constantly visiting my OOT friends....I cant help it that my best friends all live at least 2 hours away- you'll be alone a lot of weekends."
"While you may think its awesome that I LOVE football, you'll probably hate the fact that I spend most of football season in Gainesville with my parents."
"I don't have to wear makeup to work and do get to wear jeans and tshirts, so I really only get dressed up when I have to."
"I have big boobs and hate them so you will never be touching them."
"I want a baby now."

I'm thinking by the 3rd or 4th sentence the guy would be long gone!
Seriously. I give my husband MAJOR kudos for loving my EXACTLY the way I am. I fear he is probably the only one that could. But he's no real picnic either sometimes!