Hello my people!

I figured, if everyone is called a "follower" you must be my people. Cult anyone? Just kidding.
Anyways, big week for us this week! We have the NT scan on Wednesday, which you all know im scared about. Nothing that can be done about it now. I hate my anxiety. I wish that I could just be happy and have this elusive pregnancy glow that everyone keeps talking about. In addition to freaking out about what it shows, I just started freaking out about what it might not show. What if there is no heartbeat anymore? What if the baby is gone, and I had no idea? What is wrong with me? Why cant I just BE HAPPY?????? I need a margarita. Virgin, of course..

And another thought crossed my mind. With all this talk about neurological disorders because of my medication it never crossed my mind that my baby might be born similar to a crack baby. Addicted. What happens if my baby is born addicted to my meds? Has withdrawls when he/she is born? That would kill me. Obviously there is nothing I can do about this. I HAVE to be on the meds. I dont have a choice. I even asked about weaning myself off, even if just for a few weeks right before Im due. My neurologist acted like I just asked him if I could do a space walk at 40 weeks. He said "absolutely not. That would be detrimental to both of you." Oh, thanks dr! Appreciate it!
Oh well. For now, I take joy in the fact that my husband says goodbye to the baby every morning and kisses or touches my belly every night to say goodnight. He is so anxious to meet his child. It warms my heart. I have visions of him playing soccer with his son. Teaching his daughter how to be tough. I cant wait to watch my husband be the father that I never had. To hear my child say (in a couple decades) that his/her daddy is the most important man in his/her life.
If we have a girl, I cant wait to watch him teach her how to do a handstand just because mommy hates when he does it in the house. To teach her that she can do anything the boys can do. To be petrified as he teaches her how to drive. To hear him give her new boyfriend a stern talk. To watch them dance at her wedding.

If its a boy, I cant wait to watch him coach the little league team. To teach him to be nice to the girls on the playground. To watch him squirm as he gives "the sex talk". To know that he'll never have to tell him how to treat a woman. Because he would have seen his dad do it the right way for years already.

I just cant wait. And yet, I hope it goes slowly.