Fear

Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism.
Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

With each day that grows closer to my NT scan, I am filled with fear. All my medications, etc. I worry that something will be wrong. Some neurological problem. Something that only my medication can cause, and that if I wasnt on it, it wouldnt happen. I know that without my medication I will die. Which would result in my childs death, obviously. I dont have a choice. For 3 years I cursed God for making me have Trigeminal Neuralgia. Because of what it did to my life. Now I take it all back. Leave all the heartache and trouble and pain with me. Spare my child.

I have to cling to hope with everything that I have that everything will be alright. As of right now, the baby is at least alive. What state its in, I have no idea. I havent had an u/s done since I was 6 weeks. And that was too early to tell anything other than the fact that it was there.

Everyone says "I dont care what I have, as long as its healthy". But what happens when youre faced with the reality that your chances of having an "unhealthy" baby are a lot higher than everyone elses. That your baby is at a higher risk for every "unhealthy" problem there is. Cleft lip, spinabifida, DS, MS, Tumors.

I cling to hope that at the very least I will have a healthy baby. Please, God. Dont make my childs life more difficult than mine has been. I would give my own life to ensure it.