When I woke up today

I knew exactly how the day was going to be. I should have known better than to not take my xanax before bed. It shuts my brain off so that I can sleep peacefully. But, I thought- If Im pregnant, I cant take it so I really need to start getting used to not taking it.

Last night I dreamt about waking up and testing. I dreamt that the test would instantly show up positive. I dreamt about telling my husband on his birthday that he was going to be a dad. I dreamt that he cried and kissed my belly. I dreamt that I was happy.
So when I woke up, full of anxiety I knew what was going to happen. I knew that because of everything I dreamt it would go exactly the way I knew deep down it would go. And it did.

I tested, and stared at the test for 5 solid minutes. and nothing happened. Nothing. I crawled back in bed and cried.